3 Years Ago Today

Three years ago today my sweet BE (baby Ean) was born. What a day! I had a very stressful pregnancy full of complications and fears, but on May 26, 2008 the Lord decided that our little Ean needed to be born 9 weeks early. At only 3lbs 8oz, he was whisked away to East TN Children's Hospital NICU.

It was a painful journey filled with many ups and downs. I had dreams of bringing home my baby (as we all do), but three days later I went home empty-handed leaving my sweet little boy on a ventilator in the hospital. God, why me?

Fast forward three years. . . I can't answer the question of why he had to endure so much when he first entered this world, but instead I focus (and will share with him as he grows) that our Lord has a special purpose for his life. I really believe my sweet spirited gentle little boy hears His voice even now. That's why we felt called to name him Ean (meaning, the Lord is faithful). What a special story his life is already telling...


So, today, I celebrate his life. I celebrate his laughter, tears, sense of humor, shyness, love for music, stellar memory, picky eating, love of books and Curious George. Today, I rejoice in the blessing God gave me looking into my little boy's eyes all those days in NICU but most of all every day since....Happy 3rd Birthday my son. I love you with all of my heart.

-mommy

Recalculating

I’ve been writing blog post after blog post in my head these last few weeks at random parts of the day. Sometimes they come when I’m sleeping other times when I’m at the gym. I’m sure I’ll never capture ALL that’s been in my heart since it’s taken me so long to get back to it, but I’ll give it a whirl.

To say that life has been just dandy for us after returning from Africa would not be accurate. I really think that people talk very little about how they are REALLY doing and instead smile give the standard “we’re doing great” when asked and move on about their day wondering when the chaos and emotional roller coaster will end.

I really thought that the waiting period of the adoption was the hardest (and I still believe that to be true). It’s so hard to wait day after day for a phone call, an email, some hope that you can piece together yourself a clue into how your child is doing half way around the world. There is no other way to keep your heart still and quiet without the support of others. I can say with gratefulness that I was so encouraged by the adoption community that God blessed me with through our agency and others in our area. They understood my anxiety and the pain of waiting and embraced me with love and mucho prayers!

I guess in my heart I thought that once the missing piece to our family puzzle arrived home (aka Evy) that all would fit together so nicely. Don’t get me wrong, it was a huge relief to have all of the waiting over. I’m not good at waiting. As Carlos says, “there’s always the next thing.” Hmm, thanks for the positivity honey. Really, he’s right. We’re never completely satisfied, whole, content, etc. because there’s only ONE that can fill that hole anyway, right? And, it wasn’t intended to be wrapped up with a nice big red bow this side of Heaven. So, how do I find peace now?

That’s a million dollar question and one I don’t have the answer to. I’ve had to face this head on these last few weeks as we transitioned home. Our lovely family of 4 quickly became a lovely house of utter CHAOS. Evy has adjusted beautifully to our family with the exception of some serious screaming that makes my hair turn gray. Ean has been the one with many outward signs of stress. He started stuttering after we arrived home literally breaking my heart as I knew it was anxiety driven. He has pulled, pushed, hit, and bitten his sweet new sister more times than I can count. I have to admit, I wondered, “What did we get ourselves into?”

This morning I was reminded….as I saw Ean greet his sister after getting out of bed with a huge kiss and hug. Ahh, I’m starting to breathe a sigh of relief now. I’m starting to see that I didn’t ruin either of their lives and that indeed our Lord has a plan for ALL of us. Ahhhh….

So, that leaves me with our job situation. I am working part-time and loving it. I am so blessed with a job that allows me flexibility to follow my “mommy” heart. Some days I wonder if working isn’t easier (I do believe it is) but nonetheless it’s a really great balance for me. But, Carlos is still looking for work so we’ll see where the Lord leads us. He has been so faithful to us, and honestly, we needed to spend all of the time we’ve had these last few weeks building a foundation in our new family mix….both mommy and daddy and a few family members.

I’m pretty amazed at the architecture of relationships with family and friends He’s building around us to help us raise our kids. I’ve prayed for a long time for it, and now I’m seeing His hand at work. From my amazing mom and all of her support to my aunt and other members of our faith community really stepping up to help support us….I have no doubts that what feels like a “recalculation” is really the way it was always intended.

God is good.

A Little Glimpse Into our Adoption Journey

On the Other Side (part 2)

As we approach 2 weeks home, I can say that we are starting to getting into a groove as a new family of 4. Wow, I had no idea how much of a jolt it would be especially for Ean. Granted, we've been very intentional parents with Ean pouring into him as much as we both can, so I can see why it would be a huge loss for him. I can't quite figure out how we do that with two children let alone 18+ like the Duggars! Ha.

Evy is doing really great overall. She sleeps 12+ hours each night plus a regular daytime nap. It's as if she fell right into a schedule with us. I honestly can't see signs of her being adopted at this stage. She was clearly well loved and cared for in Ethiopia which is huge. She has attached great with both Carlos and I, and she knows when we're not around! She is content playing alone and takes an occasional "love pat" from her big brother...but she jumps up and goes back for more! Tough girl. Honestly, she seems to have blended in with our family as well as I would have expected. It's been more of an adjustment for us accepting her in our routines.

I've not had a lot of time to fully reflect on all of our trip. There were for sure many ups and downs and to be very honest I'm glad it's behind us. One thing I know for certain is that God is using this little girl and our journey in the lives of many. I'm always surprised and extremely blessed when I receive feedback from others about how following our story has impacted their lives. This was never our story but His to tell. You can really see it in Evy's eyes. He's given her a life and a spark that draws people in which has been so beautiful to watch unfold.

I feel like I'm a character in an unwritten story...excited to flip the page to see what's next. For those that know me, you know that's a big change. I'm your typical Type A planner, want to be in control, want to know what's coming next, you know the one, right? Now, I am happily unaware of what tomorrow brings, and I'm genuinely at peace. I have no idea what's ahead for our family, but I know the One that does...and finally, I'm able to relax and enjoy the ride. One thing I know for certain, when he puts these little ones in your heart He Will Provide.


Take a seat and buckle up for the ride....

On the Other Side (part 1)

We're finally home from our long journey to bring Evy home. Wow, so much to process before I can share fully all that God is doing in my heart. I wish I could say it was all joy and happiness, but there have certainly been a lot of moments of apprehension.

Evy did great after a few days with us in Ethiopia. The first day was rough. She cried a lot leaving her nannies at the Care Center (which is normal), but it was stressful with her crying non stop. Thankfully, she has now adjusted well to both Carlos and I which really helps us manage two kids!

Ean on the other hand is having a really hard time. There are likely a lot of factors.... On our return trip, Ean was very ill. He began vomitting around noon the day we returned to the U.S. so badly that we took him to a Korean hospital in Addis. Yeah, a little odd to go to a Korean hospital in Africa, but nontheless, we were thankful. They sent a translator with us which helped. Otherwise, we would have been lost for days in the chaotic process of seeing a doctor. I felt more at peace once we discovered it was a Christian run facility (I guess in my mind I had pictured an old man hovering over a fire pit chanting). Ha!

Ean was doing well all afternoon until he started getting sick at the airport again. After we were in the air, the crew became increasingly concerned and arranged for a Dr. to come on board when we stopped in Sudan to refuel. All I could do was cry. I wanted to be there for Ean, but I was holding our new daughter and knew that we had to continue on with her even if they required Ean to stay there with his dad. Truly heartbreaking.

Thankfully, he was cleared to leave Sudan as long as he was checked at the airport hospital in Amsterdam. The angels must have heard our cries because by the time we arrived in Amsterdam he was doing much better. Praise God. We were able to continue on with our flights and get home as scheduled.

I am so glad we're home, and that this part of the journey is behind us. Now, we face the transition of Evy into our family. I guess this is the part of adoption journey that people don't talk much about. I mean, we all want to do something to change a child's life, or we wouldn't pursue it. My heart still has moments of uncertainty as I watch Ean struggle to adapt to a new sister. He pushes, hits, and pinches. Yikes. I feel more like a referee than a parent right now. But, somehow I know that the Lord has a plan, and we will all grow through this experience.

For now, I feel a bit like a mix of neopolitan ice-cream...a little bit of happy, a little bit of sad, and mostly clingly on to the ONE I know has the plan.

It's Finally Here!

We are so excited that we are finally leaving to bring our baby girl home. We have learned much through this journey, and most importantly that He is with us always. There have been many moments of doubts, fear, and anxiety....but with certainty, we know that Evy being a part of our family is HIS plan.

So, as we depart for our long journey tomorrow, we wanted to share a few specific prayer requests:

- Please pray for our safety. With all that is happening in the world, we pray for legions of angels to guide and protect us.

- For health. We've had a lot of sickness in our house the last few months, but thankfully we are all well now. Please pray that we stay healthy throughout the journey.

- For Energy. We're thrilled to bring Ean with us, but needless to say it's going to be a lot of work. Please pray for us to have strength and patience with him.

- For Our Families. Just this past week, we put my dad in assisted living. A huge change. Please pray that I will have peace about his care, and for protection over my mom and Carlos' family while we're away as well.

- For Evy's Birthmom. I feel honored to potentially get to meet her mom, but I am overwhelmed with emotion. Please pray that she will be able to meet us, and that I will have the words to share with her.

- For Evy's Transition. We take custody of Evy on her 1st Birthday. HUGE ANSWERED PRAYER. Please pray that she will connect with us and begin attaching and feeling safe.

- For our Visa. We have our interview with the Embassy on Monday 28th, please pray that all goes smoothly, and we can leave as scheduled.

- For our Flights. We had a lot of problems with flights and luggage on our last trip. Please pray that we'll connect and everything will get there as planned. There's a lot to bring for 2 kiddos!

- For Coming Home. Life will be a bit chaotic for us to find our groove with two kids, time changes, etc. Please pray for a smooth transition, and for the stress of the unknowns in our lives to not overwhelm us when we get home.

Above all else, we thank you for being part of this amazing journey with us. And, we PRAISE GOD for all HE has done.

Love to you all.

It's Here!

The long awaited news finally arrived! We're leaving to pick up our baby girl. I am so excited. Our Embassy interview is on March 28th which means that we leave in less than 2 weeks.

It seems like we've been waiting for this so long, and yet I feel a little "in shock" emotionally thinking about a new addition to our family. I am so in awe of God's faithfulness. We literally received our Embassy confirmation the last possible day to still fall within the week of Evy's birthday AND the week that our dear friend Kristin could travel with us. While we were prepared to go without her, we couldn't imagine not having her with us since she's been such a huge part of our journey this past year...not to mention that she truly is the baby whisperer! Our son Ean absolutely loves her, and I know that Evy will too. Not to mention that I look forward to some sweet girl time with her. God is good.

Even though it's been a painful long journey, we are so excited to see what God has for our future. I'm in awe of His faithfulness and His love for us. I KNOW that we are in good hands.

Stay tuned to meet our baby girl.....