We got "THE" call!

We are so excited to finally receive the long awaited call last Friday! I had resigned to the fact that it would likely be another month or so before we were matched, then when I arrived home from work Carlos calmly said "The agency called - you may want to call them back." WHAT!!!!! I called, we received the email with the info and her pictures and promptly started filming "our moment." We've been talking with Ean for months about his baby sister so it was the sweetest moment when we opened the photos and he said "baby sister." All night, he continued to ask for "baby sister" pointing to the computer. What a sweet moment the Lord gave our family.

So, we officially accepted the referral today and we've covered our fridge with her photos. I can't wait to see her. God is so good!

Carrying the Cross

"If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me." (Matthew 16:24)

From my devotion today: Think about it - our biggest burden is us. We cannot manage our own lives, but we are exhausted trying to do just that. We cannot determine our own futures, and it's mind boggling to try. He says we must "deny ourselves" . . . denial of all self-management that weighs us down . . . surrender to everything that rivals our dependence on God.

"Open your eyes and look at the fields! They are ripe for harvest." John 4:35

What would my life look like if I was outwardly focused at the urgent needs of our hurting world?

Would I stop to greet the homeless man I see as I drive to work? Would I offer food or comfort? Would I stop to listen to my hurting family member when I call instead of quickly ending the conversation so I can continue on with my night? Would I send more money? Would I pray more intensely? Would I move overseas? What would I REALLY do?

I struggle with this question and especially as the Lord puts certain people/circumstances on my heart - the burden often feels overwhelming. I question should I even be working? Can't I spend my time doing something more meaningful? Or, is the person I know at work that seems distant less important or less in need of my support?

So many questions, so many needs and one servant with a heart to follow and gather the Lord's harvest....so Father, where is that for me?

God of Wonders

I am often so overwhelmed with my circumstances, staring directly at them and wondering when they'll change, that I overlook the amazing things that God IS doing in my life today.

We had a really great time this weekend meeting new friends from Africa. Our friend from Ghana has been a God send. He is one of the sweetest people, and he knows our heart for getting to know other Africans in light of the upcoming adoption of our daughter. He invited to us to attend an African baby shower. I must admit, I was a little reluctant. I didn't know anyone. How weird is it to show up to someone's baby shower you don't even know! Not to mention I debated leaving Ean the third day this week. But - God really blessed us!

We met an amazing group of people so warm and kind. Many were from Nigeria and a few from Uganda. The woman having the baby was expecting her 5th. Oh my! As I now understand, they don't typically do showers like we do in Africa until after the baby is born. Apparently, the woman doesn't like being seen. I can't imagine why! I certainly felt like I was hot when I was pregnant - not!!!:) But, they were adopting some of our American customs by throwing the party including the guess how many jellybeans in the baby bottle game and how big is the momma-to-be's belly! It was quite funny. They seemed a little uncertain of how to do the games as they spoke in their Nigerian accents.

We had disccussed before going that we would stay a short while then enjoy dinner out since we don't get to do that very often. After seeing the room full of Nigerian food, we thought - why wouldn't we stay and eat there. Afterall, how many times do you get to enjoy African food?

As it turns out, the food was amazing and the company even better. One by one, each African came to shake our hand and introduce themselves to us with warm smiles. The kids were running around bouncing off the walls - I think Ean would have been in good company afterall:) At one point I heard the young girls singing with Miley Cirus on the radio "Put your hands in the Air!" I couldn't help but laugh. Then, the traditional African music began playing. It was so great. Several of the women were dressed in traditional Nigerian dresses. They seemed so proud and they looked beautiful. The modesty and pride of the culture really impressed me. I want our daughter to know this too!

As we prepared to leave, we congratulated the new mom and made our way outside. She followed us and started to ask us about our adoption journey. I'm always a little nervous about what people will say especially Africans. Do they think we will destroy the African culture in our daughter's life? Do they think we're just rich white people buying a baby? I was impressed with her comments and questions, and in fact she shared how much it warmed her heart for people like Carlos and I to be willing to take an orphaned child into our family. I was especially moved when she shared about her own sister's plight having a baby out of wedlock. The baby, in her words, would forever be culturally rejected. In fact, she offered to connect us with her sister to potentially adopt as well. Oh my - one at a time:) She was so sweet, she offered to help do our daughters hair when she arrives. So sweet.

As much as I know this journey began with the desire to save one child in a country very far away, I KNOW that God has a vision for us. He is so amazingly faithful and creative. I can't wait to see what He is going to do.

I am thankful that when I can rise above the "stuff" in life, see clearly for a few moments, I can really enjoy God's creativity and attention to detail in my life. Worry - ha no worry coming from this girl today!

How would I live today if I knew there was no tomorrow?

When I think about how I'd live today if I knew there were no tomorrow, I'd spend the entire day laughing and playing with my family, which prompted me to capture some really fun moments we've had lately...

- Ean's new favorite thing to say when you change his diaper is "change diaper,powder fresh!"

- As we're trying to teach Ean to go to the potty, we've been using Elmo to encourage him since we have this really great "Elmo Potty" book. Only problem, he tells us every time we change him..."Elmo, no diaper - Elmo potty" ha!

- Ean came up to me last night with an unusual silence and said "potty water." He then showed me his dripping wet hand. Oh my!

- I love how Ean now says "Please, mommy" when he wants something. I wish I could record and keep it forever. I think I will!

- I taught Ean the MICKEY MOUSE song one day and we decided to download from itunes. Now, he says "Mickey Song - march!" since we march together around the kitchen every time it comes on.

- I love to watch Ean and his dad run around the kitchen. We fondly refer to Ean as "Forest" since he keeps saying "run, run" with nowhere to really go:)

- Ean loves throwing the ball now - only problem is he doesn't understand that he needs a bit more than 5 inches from you to do so...ouch!

- We have a cat door on the door leading to our garage (but of course no cat!). I love it when I drive in I'm surprised by a hand coming out at me and Ean laughing and yelling "Mommy!"

- One of my most favorite things is dinner time. We started the tradition of both Carlos and I holding Ean's hands as we pray. One night we forgot, and he reached for our hands to remind us. Sweet, sweet Ean.

- When I take Ean for his bath at night, he loves to run to his room and pull out a pacifier that I have put away from his time in NICU. He sucks it and says "Baby sister." I told him once we'd let her use it when she comes home to us from Africa.

We really do have so many things to be thankful for in our family. So, next time I have doubts about God's plan or what makes today special from the next, I will remember all these great moments on my list.

"This is for MY Glory". . .

We had a rough evening last night. Ean has been showing agression toward Carlos and I - hitting and kicking. We've tried talking, time-outs, and grabbing his hands - but nothing has worked to stop the hitting. So, we finally reached out to the specialist that monitored him the last two years due to his premature birth. She gave us a few pointers and recommended that we see a behaviorial specialist. Ah - just what I wanted - to be seeing a therapist when my son is only 2 years old! I mean, how much damage could I have caused in 2 years!

I've really struggled with this the last week. I question what I've done to cause him to be so angry and so unwilling to work with us, especially when I see how he responds so positively to others intervention. Does he dislike me that much?

I imagine every working mom goes through times of guilt and regret for the time the miss with their kids. For me, it's been especially hard since I always wanted to be home with Ean. It's only the last few months that it became very clear to our family that we needed to make changes to allow me to at least be home part time in the near future. Lord willing - it will happen someday.

For now, my heart breaks when Ean says "mommy work" when I leave in the mornings. And, when he expects the same thing on Saturday. I reassure him that mommy would be there every day if I could. So, I guess at times like this, I blame myself for his behavior.

Which leads us to last night - the specialist came to our house to observe. Naturally, Ean was in rare form. After 5 ineffective timeouts in the pack-n-play, she asked if she could try an alternative - the dreaded corner! Naturally, we said yes. We want things to change. I, however, had no idea how emotionally draining the process would be. Ean had to stand quietly in the corner with his face toward the wall and hands to his side. He cried, he looked for mommy and daddy, he asked mommy and daddy to come back, he cried "ok" to her commands to obey but nothing stopped the tears. It hurt me so deeply to feel his fear and need of me. But, in the end, after 15 minutes he made it and was allowed to leave the corner.

The goal was accomplished. He accepted his punishment - but it was so painful for all of us!

Which leads me to today, emotionally drained and feeling helpless to help my son accept his punishment. I am led to the cross. As I ran this morning, I praised our Lord for his amazing grace. He already took the punishment for me, and as much as I want to take it for Ean, I know that he has to do this one on his own.

The Lord reminded me today that ALL of this is for His glory. I pray every day with Ean that he will know our Lord as his savior and that those little hands will be gentle and abounding in love for others as he becomes a man.

We will all learn and grow through this, and we will celebrate Him for his Amazing Grace! May this all be for Your Glory, Lord.

Climbing the Roller Coaster

Today started out like the wait in line for a roller coaster. You're optimistic that you won't get sick and that in the end you'll be glad you did it. Yet, as you're climbing on the coaster, you realize this was a grave mistake. The fear sets in and there's no convincing yourself that this was a good idea.

I have a hard time overcoming fear some days, even though I know Christ has overcome it for me. My day didn't start off well. I had a bad attitude with the receptionist at the doctor office when she said they couldn't process insurance without my card. Since I just started with a new company, I didn't have my card! It continued down hill from there until we finally left the office without the immunizations we needed to complete for our upcoming adoption travel. Needless to say, I was not happy. I also discovered that the gas tank was near empty - it appears the gas fairy didn't refill it when he drove yesterday. Ugh!

So, I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today. I think in part due to the fears I was feeling before bedtime last night. I didn't have time to adequately process them with the Lord. But, thankfully He has time for me! Oh, how often I fail in this journey and yet He is there with open arms to accept me just as I am and to love me in spite of it.

I realized that as I read a note from our adoption agency this morning. We've been concerned with recent news that we might be delayed many months traveling to pick up our daughter. It deeply saddens me to think of her sitting any longer than necessary in an orphanage because of bureaucracies in the U.S. Embassy. Now, it sounds like that may not be the case. And, to top it off - we're #3! One step closer to seeing her face. Oh, how much I long to see her.

Thank you for your faithfulness Lord....great are your mercies every day!