The Wife of Noble Character

My deepest prayer this season....
Proverbs 31:10-31 "The Wife of Noble Character"

A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
She gets up while it is still dark;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her servant girls.
She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.

In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers
She opens her arms to the poor.
and extends her hands to the needy.
When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
She is clothed with strength and dignity,
she can laugh at the days to come.
She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her.

"Many women do noble things,

but you surpass them all."

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;

but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

Give her the reward she has earned,

and let her works bring her praise at

the city gate.

Our Journey to Ethiopia - Part 4

Day 3 in Addis Ababa

It's our last day in Ethiopia - crazy if you consider we only spent 1 full day there! It felt like we were here much longer.

We tried again to get our bag at the airport - no luck. Then, we returned to the guesthouse to pack. We had made plans for Tsion and Wegi's aunt and sister to meet us for shopping. They were gracious in helping us find all of the things we wanted to bring back, and I'm sure at better rates than we would have gotten on our own (although Carlos is quite the negotiator).

They arrive on foot and we follow them out of the gates. To this point, we had not walked anywhere - it had all been by the van provided by our agency.
It just doesn't seem like the "I'm going to take a walk place!"

We walked to the main road and quickly realized we should have arranged for a taxi at the guesthouse. We walked and walked. The sites, smells and sounds were totally different "outside of the car." Carlos asked about a taxi and they explained that we had to be on the other side of the freeway. Now, I must say I've seen many near misses during our time in the city where people walk causually in front of the cars. It seems to work for them, but I am not convinced I have the skill (nor do they:))

So, we finally reach the "taxi" which is not what we were expecting....they told us to hop on the van/bus full of Ethiopians and we realize now we're really "among" them. We both were a little taken back especially as we rode on one after antoher. It seems we're pretty spoiled with the convenience of our own private car. Carlos suggested a smaller (private) taxi, but they felt it was too expensive. In hindsight, I think we were perceived as wealthy, but certainly $.62 for a cab ride was dirt cheap to us!

They took us to a large market which was a really cool experience. They explained that we had to be careful with our bags, and Atkilt held my hand as we shopped. What an amazing memory! We also had a great lunch at a place called Lucy's - very nice. Then they invited us back to their house for coffee ceremony.


It was pretty humbling...they walked us up a stone path to the very "shacks" we'd been seeing...to their village. I'm sure we made quite the scene - definitely the kids were curious about us. I was really surprised once inside. The small room was carpeted with couches and TV. It was nice.

They were very gracious. She served us water while she roasted the coffee right there in the living room

. We enjoyed popcorn and took pictures of their family . It was a very special moment for us.

Outside the door, the kids kept running by and looking in. One girl caught our attention. A very dark skinned girl in a pink dress - she was beautiful and a huge big smile and so much life in her eyes. We learned that her mother died an that she was actually from the Congo. Carlos knew that they speak French there, so he started to speak with her. Her face lit up! He asked if we could take her picture and she agreed . Oh, how I could see the potential in her if given the opportunity. Afterwards, we took a taxi back to the guesthouse to pack and prepare for our 11:30pm flight home.

Standing in the airport, I had a range of emotions. Excitement to see Ean, confusion if there was a problem at court, wishing we didn't have to return but could bring Evy home with us now. So, the journey continues and we'll wait to see what God has for us next.

Our Journey to Ethiopia - Part 3

Day 2 in Addis Ababa

Day 2 started very early - 2:30am Addis time. After tossing and turning, I finally go up to check the time and considered going downstairs to the computer since I could not sleep. When we finally got up, we grabbed a quick breakfast then met the others for our 8am call time to leave for court. Much like everything in Ethiopia - 8am was a "range" so we left around 8:30am. We entered a small room where we were to meet the judge. It was a long wait (or at least it seemed) before we started.

The room was full - I would say at least 30 families from various agencies. One by one, they went exiting in less than a minute with tearful eyes of excitement until it came to our turn...the judge was very unemotional and straight forward. She asked us a series of questions that we basically answered "yes" or "no" then mentioned something about another court date. We sat there confused then she and the lawyer spoke in Amharic - turned to us and said "thank you." Are you kidding? In my heart, I really wanted to hear" she is yours" like the rest of the families. I was confused and disappointed. We asked the lawyer afterwards and he assured us everything was fine, but I wasn't convinced. I know that she isn't anymore ours than is our son BE. They are God's children. I had just longed to hear those words. This has been such a long process of waiting yet it appears He plans to keep us there longer. Sadness. Confusion. Disappointment. At that point, I just wanted to go home. I was tired, missing Ean and beginning to emotionally detach from it all.

After court we went to the guesthouse to change close then to have lunch at a small coffee shop. OMG! It was so bad. I think I've learned how to stay away from meat...since there are so many hidden "mysteries" :)

We then went to the care center to say goodbye to our children. It was hard to imagine leaving Evy there
. We played and enjoyed her - then felt rasping when she was breathing. We were all a bit on edge about sickness with the kids. Two in our group were hospitalized after we arrived and one dear family lost their baby the same week.

Needless to say, we were on edge and not feeling extremely confident. We asked if the doctor could check her lungs (since we were concerned the Pneumonia could return). After a while, they came in and said we were taking her to the hospital. I was so scared. I was able to carry her to the car and be with her the entire time. It was crazy thinking about how they drive - jerking her from here to there and no carseat! I held her tight. Another family brought their child as well and one of the nannies joined us.

The hospital was definitely that of a third world country...but the doctor was so nice and you could tell he really loved our daughter. She knew him and was very at peace with him. He reassured us that overall she was doing well but needed antibiotics for a respiratory infection. Good news - just hard to think about leaving her knowing how easily those kids pass sickness around in their full bedrooms and just praying that everyone there will be attentive if she gets worse.

As I was sitting there talking to the doctor, I discovered she had a massive poop. Super nasty and smelly and of course I ended up with a handfull - yuck! The doctor asked if I would change her, but I didn't have diaper or any supplies. He looked at me like I was crazy. We finally got her cleaned up including new clothes. We walked outside and discovered the rest of our group. All of a sudden the head nurse took her from my arms - and she was gone.

I didn't realize that was goodbye! Emotionally exhausted I asked the driver if we could please skip the shopping and return to the guesthouse. As it turned out, it was fine. We shopped a bit then headed back. We found some great stuff!

So, back to the bag. After all the calling to the airport, we decided to go there in person. Our bag was nowhere to be found! Ugh. Later, we joined two other couples for a dinner at a nice Italian restaurant. It was fun and gave me a little sense of being home which was certainly reassuring after the stress of the day.

Our Journey to Ethiopia - Part 2

About 30 minutes later we arrived at the care center. The sites and smalls were amazing. Tons of people, cars, horns beeping, smog, beggars and not to mention the crazy driving (it makes NY look like child's play). It all was not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. The holes in the road - well, that's a different story...painfully slow and rocky like a boat.

It was purely a miracle and God's grace that I did not get car sick (I can't even go to the mountains without getting sick). Honestly, I expected to not feel well, but the Lord kept me safe and healthy. Aside from lack of sleep and emotional exhaustion, both Carlos and I felt really good. The dry air definitely does a number on your sinues and skin though.

When we arrive at the care center all of the other families are with their children. We slipped off our shoes and sat down. A few minutes later, they came out with baby W. She had a hat on her head and was so tiny. Those huge big eyes - I knew it was her! The head nurse explained that she had the hat because they shaved part of her head (since she had been hospitalized). What a shock - we had no idea. As it turns out, it was 10 days prior and she spent 4 days in the hospital. So much to take in. Even though we were exhausted and still trying to process this foreign land - we now had Evy in our arms after all these long awaited months. It was surreal.

I would describe Evy as:
- smiley - the report was very accurate
- outgoing
- very verbal
- well developed in terms of skills for her age
- petite
- very aware of her surroundings
- intentional - she studied our faces
- affable
- seemed to love music and dancing

Sadly, she also showed signs of self soothing tendencies - but a really special little girl.

They brought solid food for me to feed her - she didn't want very much. We were surprised when they told us she eats every 3 hours - crazy for 9 months old. I'm guessing they do what is easier for them to manage schedule-wise. After only 50 minutes (we missed the first part), we departed for lunch.

They drove us to a privat golf club for lunch
. Hard to believe Carlos and I both ate for $10.00. It was a pretty outdoor space nestled among all of the dirt roads. A woman passed by
with a large load on her back - a reminder that few actually afford the golf club compared to millions struggling on the outside. When I went to the restroom, a woman poured water from a bucket to wash my hands - her job was tending the bathroom. I've seen this often in Europe - people demand money for their service BEFORE you ever enter the restroon. This was different. She was gracious and unassuming. When I came back a second time and tipped her, she softly said "God bless you" with a warm smile. What I gave her equaled less than 1 American dollar.

It's really crazy if you think about it - $1 USD = 16 Birr. We could buy things so inexpensively yet I thought how just a little from our family could go such a long way - but how?

Next we drove all the way across town admist more honking, dodging cars and an occasional donkey or sheep to the Holt office to meet with the legal advisor in preparation for our court appearance. We reviewed a few questions then went back to the care center to see our children again before bedtime. Remember, at this point we've been up since Tuesday morning and it's now Thursday evening in Addis.

When we arrived at the care center, Evy was in her jammies. It was sweet to see her again, to play and pray over her. We also met with the pediatrician to ask questions. Naturally, we wanted to know about the hospitalization and other growth milestones. After saying goodbye, we headed back to the guesthouse and ordered dinner - it's now about 8pm Ethiopia time. We are beyond exhausted.

The staff at the guesthouse are amazing. They offered us their cell phone and even purchased a calling card for us to call home. I couldn't go to sleep before talking to Ean. That was definitely harder than I thought it would be. After I told him I loved him, he said "you always come back." (Something I always remind him of when I leave him for preschool) I couldn't hold back the tears. Then his dad said hello and he asked "where's daddy?" over and over. Service was intermittent and it died on us several times. Afterwards, Carlos and I just sat there and cried.

Eventually, we grabbed a quick bit of food and took my first shower in 3 days in ice cold water! I couldn't have cared lesss - I just wanted to be clean. As it turns out, there was a mistake with our room so they gave us the master suite. It was huge - much more than we needed, but God was gracious in providing. That night was so restless...and possibly the hardest bet I've ever slept on. It felt in essence like sleeping on wood...thus the end of Day 1 in Addis Ababa.

Our Journey to Ethiopia - Part 1

What a crazy journey this has been...really starting for us earlier this year when we began the adoption process. There have been so many ups and downs these last 9 months. Hmm, just realized that is the actual "pregnancy time frame" - just long enough for Him to birth something in me and our family. Yet, as I board the plane heading home I am still not clear on what "it" is.

For sure, there is a great need in Ethiopia, but how does that awareness intersect with our lives? I am amazed at how gracious and warm the people are in spit of living such a difficult life. They are so "service" oriented.

It's been an exhausting yet exciting journey. I guess the "re-entry" begins now. Searching for clarity of the vision.

The trip itself was full of many problems from the 11 hour delay and almost missing the time to meet our daughter to loosing our luggage - really a hard start. Yet, I think about John's blog - The Orphaned Briefcase and I now see how much time I lost fretting over that silly bag instead of being in the moment. That is the story of my life - can't see the forest for the trees. Sigh. I hope I change.

So, back to the reason for this trip - our sweet Evy. Admittedly, I feel emotionally detached regarding her right now. I think in part because we are forced to leave her, also due to the uncertainty of our court appearance, and lastly because we had so little time to bond with her. (I think after some time of reflection, it's likely more self-protection).

The first day of the trip was insane. For starters, I really didn't think I could leave Ean. The night before, I told Carlos I couldn't go. He reminded me that Ean is God's son - not our own - and that we have to trust Him. Not to mention the fact that we are following His heart for orphans by bringing Evy into our family. Somehow we managed to pull out of the driveway but not before waving over and over to Ean as he sat in the front window. I had no idea how deeply I loved him and how much I'd miss him until that moment. Carlos and I cried and prayed for him as well as our safe return.


The drive to Atlanta was stressful. It poured rain all the way. We arrived with only a few minutes to spare. Then, just before we were to board, we discovered that our flight was delayed. Great. We had a few hours to connect in Frankfurt so we thought we'd be ok. As it turned out, it was a 3+ hour delay and our hopes of making the connection were diminishing. I was devastated - what if we miss seeing our daughter and our court date?

I tearfully pleaded with the airline staff to help us rebook and shared with them about our adoption. They were all so supportive and yelling well wishes as we boarded the plane. We went to sleep immediately with the help of our "happy sleeping pills" then we woke 2 hours before we landed to discover that we would be arriving 2 hours late for our connection. No one on the flight could help us rebook (which is not what we were told in Atlanta)!

When we arrived, we ran to the Luthansa desk to discover hundreds of people in the same situation as us! What a nightmare. People were pushing and yelling. No one would organize a line. I started to cry. We've flown halfway around the world to meet our daughter, and it looked hopeless that we'd make it in time...not to mention that I wanted to see BE. We waited 3 hours in line to be rebooked. Thankfully, they allowed us to place 2 calls back to the U.S. - one to our agency to alert them of the delay and the second to BE back at home.

Regardless to say, we were exhausted. We did manage to find a great restaurant and enjoyed much needed food. Yummy.

We were re-routed via Ethiopia Airlines which required another 2 hours in line to get boarding passes - but at least we were on another night flight so we could enjoy our "happy pills." :) We woke up 2 hours before the end of the flight again to discover we would be arriving 2 hours later than expected. Now, we're expecting the next ball to drop.

After an 1 hour wait in customs, we finally grabbed our luggage to discover that our big bag didn't arrive. I tearfully announced to the security guard that Carlos would stay behind for the bag, and I would go ahead "We're adopting and I can't miss meeting our baby!." He graciously took us past the line to the office to submit a report. Thank you God!

We exited to a sea of Ethiopian faces - it was a bit intimidating at first. Finally, I located a Holt sign and met our sweet driver. I felt bad for him - he had waited for us 4 hours due to all of the delays. I quickly announced to him that I wanted to go to the care center to see our baby (since the time we were allotted to meet them was already underway). Funny, they listen but still do their own thing:) Instead, we went to the guesthouse dropped our luggage and started our first of many adventures across town...

24 Hours to go

I'm full of a range of emotions today as we make our final preparations for Ethiopia. While I know it's going to be an amazing journey, I am deeply sad to leave our little Ean. Being away from him for one night is hard let alone 5 and half way around the world! I'm super thankful for the Bailey's and their love for our little guy. I know he'll be in great hands and have a wonderful time.

I'm sure we'll have lots to share after we return. For now, I ask for prayers from all of our dear friends:

- Please pray for safety for our travel and for Ean here at home
- For health and healing (we've all been sick)
- God's clarity and vision for our family in Africa
- For favor with our court appearance
- Connecting with our daughter Evy
- Our time with Tsion's family in Addis
- For sanity during 17+ hours of flying

Hugs and love from the Borja's.

So Thankful

It's easy to get so wrapped up in preparation for the holidays...the turkey...the shopping...the Christmas tree to overlook the many blessings in our life. This year, I really want to slow down and enjoy the season in its fullness. I'm starting today by reminding myself of all that our family has to be thankful for this year:

- Good Health
- Provision for our Family
- Many amazing memories watching Ean grow
- The sweetest caregiver for our kids we could have ever wanted
- New Friendships and Rekindling old ones
- A new Church Home
- An amazing baby girl waiting for us in Africa
- And above all the grace, love, and provision from our Lord

Happy Thanksgiving!

In the Present

I've been struggling a lot lately with all of the uncertainty in our life right now. For a Type A gal - it's a mess! Fear has been eating my lunch. And, I guess that God knew in advance how much uncertainty there would be going through this adoption process to push me to the edge and closer to Him.

As we hit the 2 week mark before our first trip to Ethiopia to meet our baby girl, Carlos shared a few scriptures with me and encouraged me that we really have to be present wherever God has us. For today, what I know for certain, is that we've been called to adopt this baby girl. I guess God knew all along that I'd eventually accept that all I need is a map for today. The rest is up to Him.

So, here I am today Lord, ready to take this step of faith to open my eyes and ears to Your vision for our family in Africa. I pray that you will prepare our hearts to receive ALL of your blessings and direction during our days in Ethiopia. Direct our steps, Father.

Coming out of the "Crazy Closet"

I spoke with one of my dear friends this week (I consider him my "spiritual father") and he said something to me that I couldn't resist posting....

I shared with him about our upcoming trip to Ethiopia, the excitement, the fear, the feelings that perhaps everyone around us think we're crazy. That is, we don't know what is going to happen with my job and Carlos is still looking for one - yet we're bringing home a new baby soon! Crazy...maddening some days!!!

As we spoke about the journey God has had us on this year from provision for the adoption to connecting us with Ethiopians here in our small city to the burden He's put on my heart for African orphans - we laughed. He said, "The Lord doesn't call us to live a life without risk. He calls us to live fearless lives, seizing each day, and embracing the CRAZY RIDE." You'd have to know him to appreciate the nonchalant way he says things. I see him as the crazy one!

So, after I cried, shared my fears and laughed with him - He said - "You need to come out of the "Crazy Closet" - don't be afraid to be seen as "Crazy" to the rest of the world."

Hmm, well, isn't that so true. I don't think anyone who follows Christ, takes risks, and throws their hands high in the air enjoying the thrill of the ride appears NORMAL. So, I guess I'm in good company these days....

The Big Move

We received the long awaited news yesterday that our baby girl is now in Addis Ababa! That's a big step towards bringing her home. For one, it's a great care center, and they have access to more medical tests, etc. if needed. On one hand, I'm really happy, but on the other I'm sad for her. I can't imagine her leaving the only caregivers she's known for the LONG ride from Durame to Addis. I'm praying for her daily that the transition will be smooth, and that she will not feel afraid or alone.

As excited as I am that we are now 4 weeks away from leaving to see her, I grow increasingly sad that we will be returning without her. But, I know that God has a plan and His timing is perfect. He knows when we will all be ready to be united as one family. Until that day, we continue to pray and prepare for our new addition.

Sweet dreams my little one...

Happy "Birth" Day

Today we celebrate our sweet baby girl's birthday - she is 7 months old today! Happy Birthday Evy. I am so looking forward to holding her in a few weeks!

We are also excited and anticipating the birth of Baby Jack - our good friend Amanda and Dennis' baby. I know it's been a long wait for them, and they're super excited to meet their baby boy. We are thinking and praying for you guys throughout today!

Growing so Fast!

I still can't believe that my little Ean is 2. I can still remember when he was born and how tiny he was holding him there in NICU. What a sweet blessing you are in our lives Ean. We are so thankful for your smile, your sense of humor, your energy, your stubbornness, and most of all your heart. We know that God has a special call on your life, and we are so priveleged to be your mommy and daddy. Indeed, "God is gracious."

Ean: meaning, "God is Gracious"

Waiting for Directions

I realized this morning that indeed our family is headed somewhere...I just don't know where yet. We have really been trying to let go of everything and let Him direct our steps. Some days it's very freeing other days it's down right scary.

Carlos sent me a link about a story of a young girl who took what I would consider to be a pretty radical step in her life. She was 18. Her parents dropped her at the airport with a backpack where she then headed for a remote village in Nepal (I can't imagine doing this with Ean!). Along the way, she meet a group of orphans and was so touched by their hardships that she took $5,000 she saved from babysitting to buy a piece of land to help given them a home. You can read her amazing story here: www.sapanasansar.com/2010/03/do-something-award-winner-maggie-doyne.html. The award she won was the "Do Something Award" which I thought was so appropriately titled. Aren't we ALL called to do something? But, what is something?

This week someone also shared with me David Platt's new book called Radical. Just reading the back cover I realized, hmm, God is doing something. It states: "It's easy for American Christians to forget how Jesus said his followers would actually live, what their new lifestyle would actually look like. They would, he said, leave behind security, money, convenience, and even family for him."

I'm not sure what the something is in our family, but I do know He's leading us somewhere.

The story of God putting His family back together...

We have this "tagline" (as I would call it with my "marketing hat" on) at our church..."we're about being a community of people helping each other as we experience the story of God putting His family back together." I've heard that week after week, until last Friday, it took a deeper meaning for me.

On Friday, we received the official relinquishment papers for our baby girl in Ethiopia. I was heart broken to read the accounts and details of her relinquishment to the orphanage. I was broken for her. I was broken for her mom. And, I questioned if I would be equipped to someday answer her tough questions for me about her parents.

As Carlos and I prayed throughout the weekend, and spent time with our friends from Ethiopia on Sunday - God revealed His bigger plan. That is, that He has chosen our family to help restore our daughter's family and to truly bring His together as One. What a powerful image.

It was very clear after our dinner last night. We asked our friends, Wegi and Tsion, to pray with us about a couple of specific needs as we prepare to bring our daughter home. It is, after all, His vision for us and His provision. Carlos asked them to pray in their native tongue. It was the most remarkable experience. As we held hands and they prayed over us, I could just sense us becoming One family. God has blessed us so much by bringing into our lives people from the very country we're adopting.

I have no idea what is ahead for us, but I know that He is doing mighty things, and He has a plan for our baby girl. I look forward to telling her "her story" and how God brought her to her new family....I just know He's going to use her testimony in mighty ways.

Relinquishment

We received the official relingquishment papers for our baby girl today. I didn't realize how emotional it would be. I ache for her birth mom and all that she has endured.

Lord, we pray that you will give Evy a heart for the weak and defenseless. We pray that she will grow strong in Your Word and in Your heart for the orphans in this world. Thank you for choosing us to be her parents. We know You have plans for her, to give her hope and a future.

He's Home!

Ean has been away for 2 nights testing his "sleepover" skills before the big trip in December. He did great. Apparently he didn't miss us much since he didn't even ask for us. I super proud of him, and I'm feeling more confident that he'll be fine when we're in Ethiopia.

We enjoyed the two days, but I must admit the house was too quiet. And, although I had two nights to enjoy sleep, I didn't get as much as I wanted. I guess parents adapt - that is to little sleep and an ear to the wall listening for our kids.

I can't wait to see him when I get home. Love you BE!

48 Days and Counting...

Wow, it's really starting to sink in - we're going to Ethiopia! I still can't believe it. We have our tickets booked, I spoke to the international pediatrician this morning, and I'm already starting our packing/to-do list (yes, for those that know me I'm overly organized)!

We also have another milestone this week - Ean is spending 2 whole nights away from us! It's, in part, a test to see how he will manage our first trip since he's never been away from us for more than one night.

It started off great - he was so excited about going to be with Kristin and Justin. I was helping him pack his bag and he kept rolling it around say "go Kristin's, see Justin, see Eli" (who is their dog). Then, I rushed home yesterday to say bye before he left and he was SOOO excited! He ran to their truck, climbed in the carseat and told Carlos and I to go "back inside." Ha, so much for the tearful good-bye:) I think he's going to be just fine!

I also sent our VISA applications today so that's another huge milestone...now, I have to resist starting to pack our bags!

50 Days and Counting!!!!

I'm so super excited about our travel group and that we're all on the same flight out of Frankfut - plenty of time to bond!

Today is also a big day for our family - Ean is having a two night sleepover to "test" how he'll do when he stays behind for our first trip! He's super excited. He was rolling around his bag last night saying he's ready to go see Kristin! Now, if mommy and daddy can just relax:)

Leavin' on a Jet Plane

We're so excited to finally have our court date. Now, it all seems real! We'll be travling to Ethiopia on November 30th and meeting our baby girl on November 2nd for the first time! We have to stay a little longer than I'd like (to be away from Ean), but I know that Lord has a plan. In fact, Wegi and Tsion (our friends from Ethiopia) have already promised their uncle to help show us around the city. I'm really excited to have a personal connection with someone there, and as it turns out, the extra day to spend time with him.

Now, we're in the midst of booking tickets, figuring out all of the logistics for Ean staying behind (sniff, sniff), and of course buying a pink things along the way! I can't believe in a few short months we'll be a family of 4! God is so good, and as always His timing is perfect (even when I'm impatient).

Feeling Empty

It's been a weird few weeks. I went from the HIGH of finally seeing our little girl to the LOW of our reality that it will be 5+ months before we get to bring her home. What a rollercoaster.

We're also in a very trying time trying to get Ean transitioned to a big bed. We've gone back and forth from big to crib and now that he can jump out - there's no turning back. I just can't let him get hurt jumping out! It's exhausting. It's discouraging. It feels hopeless somedays.

When I add on top of this the uncertainty in our lives, I realize just how stressed I've been. Well, I can't say that I saw it for myself - my body started telling me yesterday. Whenever I get REALLY stressed I have severe stomach pains (like an ulcer), and that started again yesterday. The last time I had it was about a year ago when I found out my job was ending. Wow, so I find myself back in a season of complete loss of control of my life (or so it feels). I guess that's a key word - FEEL.

I KNOW that God has not left me, even though I can't see Him or His voice is in the distance. I KNOW that He protects me from the cliffs of life. I just don't FEEL it. I guess that's the essence of faith - believing in what I cannot see or do not feel.

Afterall, I am very blessed. Our family is healthy, and we're together. And, we will soon be united to our sweet baby girl. I guess the lesson today is that feelings ARE NOT my reality.

We got "THE" call!

We are so excited to finally receive the long awaited call last Friday! I had resigned to the fact that it would likely be another month or so before we were matched, then when I arrived home from work Carlos calmly said "The agency called - you may want to call them back." WHAT!!!!! I called, we received the email with the info and her pictures and promptly started filming "our moment." We've been talking with Ean for months about his baby sister so it was the sweetest moment when we opened the photos and he said "baby sister." All night, he continued to ask for "baby sister" pointing to the computer. What a sweet moment the Lord gave our family.

So, we officially accepted the referral today and we've covered our fridge with her photos. I can't wait to see her. God is so good!

Carrying the Cross

"If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me." (Matthew 16:24)

From my devotion today: Think about it - our biggest burden is us. We cannot manage our own lives, but we are exhausted trying to do just that. We cannot determine our own futures, and it's mind boggling to try. He says we must "deny ourselves" . . . denial of all self-management that weighs us down . . . surrender to everything that rivals our dependence on God.

"Open your eyes and look at the fields! They are ripe for harvest." John 4:35

What would my life look like if I was outwardly focused at the urgent needs of our hurting world?

Would I stop to greet the homeless man I see as I drive to work? Would I offer food or comfort? Would I stop to listen to my hurting family member when I call instead of quickly ending the conversation so I can continue on with my night? Would I send more money? Would I pray more intensely? Would I move overseas? What would I REALLY do?

I struggle with this question and especially as the Lord puts certain people/circumstances on my heart - the burden often feels overwhelming. I question should I even be working? Can't I spend my time doing something more meaningful? Or, is the person I know at work that seems distant less important or less in need of my support?

So many questions, so many needs and one servant with a heart to follow and gather the Lord's harvest....so Father, where is that for me?

God of Wonders

I am often so overwhelmed with my circumstances, staring directly at them and wondering when they'll change, that I overlook the amazing things that God IS doing in my life today.

We had a really great time this weekend meeting new friends from Africa. Our friend from Ghana has been a God send. He is one of the sweetest people, and he knows our heart for getting to know other Africans in light of the upcoming adoption of our daughter. He invited to us to attend an African baby shower. I must admit, I was a little reluctant. I didn't know anyone. How weird is it to show up to someone's baby shower you don't even know! Not to mention I debated leaving Ean the third day this week. But - God really blessed us!

We met an amazing group of people so warm and kind. Many were from Nigeria and a few from Uganda. The woman having the baby was expecting her 5th. Oh my! As I now understand, they don't typically do showers like we do in Africa until after the baby is born. Apparently, the woman doesn't like being seen. I can't imagine why! I certainly felt like I was hot when I was pregnant - not!!!:) But, they were adopting some of our American customs by throwing the party including the guess how many jellybeans in the baby bottle game and how big is the momma-to-be's belly! It was quite funny. They seemed a little uncertain of how to do the games as they spoke in their Nigerian accents.

We had disccussed before going that we would stay a short while then enjoy dinner out since we don't get to do that very often. After seeing the room full of Nigerian food, we thought - why wouldn't we stay and eat there. Afterall, how many times do you get to enjoy African food?

As it turns out, the food was amazing and the company even better. One by one, each African came to shake our hand and introduce themselves to us with warm smiles. The kids were running around bouncing off the walls - I think Ean would have been in good company afterall:) At one point I heard the young girls singing with Miley Cirus on the radio "Put your hands in the Air!" I couldn't help but laugh. Then, the traditional African music began playing. It was so great. Several of the women were dressed in traditional Nigerian dresses. They seemed so proud and they looked beautiful. The modesty and pride of the culture really impressed me. I want our daughter to know this too!

As we prepared to leave, we congratulated the new mom and made our way outside. She followed us and started to ask us about our adoption journey. I'm always a little nervous about what people will say especially Africans. Do they think we will destroy the African culture in our daughter's life? Do they think we're just rich white people buying a baby? I was impressed with her comments and questions, and in fact she shared how much it warmed her heart for people like Carlos and I to be willing to take an orphaned child into our family. I was especially moved when she shared about her own sister's plight having a baby out of wedlock. The baby, in her words, would forever be culturally rejected. In fact, she offered to connect us with her sister to potentially adopt as well. Oh my - one at a time:) She was so sweet, she offered to help do our daughters hair when she arrives. So sweet.

As much as I know this journey began with the desire to save one child in a country very far away, I KNOW that God has a vision for us. He is so amazingly faithful and creative. I can't wait to see what He is going to do.

I am thankful that when I can rise above the "stuff" in life, see clearly for a few moments, I can really enjoy God's creativity and attention to detail in my life. Worry - ha no worry coming from this girl today!

How would I live today if I knew there was no tomorrow?

When I think about how I'd live today if I knew there were no tomorrow, I'd spend the entire day laughing and playing with my family, which prompted me to capture some really fun moments we've had lately...

- Ean's new favorite thing to say when you change his diaper is "change diaper,powder fresh!"

- As we're trying to teach Ean to go to the potty, we've been using Elmo to encourage him since we have this really great "Elmo Potty" book. Only problem, he tells us every time we change him..."Elmo, no diaper - Elmo potty" ha!

- Ean came up to me last night with an unusual silence and said "potty water." He then showed me his dripping wet hand. Oh my!

- I love how Ean now says "Please, mommy" when he wants something. I wish I could record and keep it forever. I think I will!

- I taught Ean the MICKEY MOUSE song one day and we decided to download from itunes. Now, he says "Mickey Song - march!" since we march together around the kitchen every time it comes on.

- I love to watch Ean and his dad run around the kitchen. We fondly refer to Ean as "Forest" since he keeps saying "run, run" with nowhere to really go:)

- Ean loves throwing the ball now - only problem is he doesn't understand that he needs a bit more than 5 inches from you to do so...ouch!

- We have a cat door on the door leading to our garage (but of course no cat!). I love it when I drive in I'm surprised by a hand coming out at me and Ean laughing and yelling "Mommy!"

- One of my most favorite things is dinner time. We started the tradition of both Carlos and I holding Ean's hands as we pray. One night we forgot, and he reached for our hands to remind us. Sweet, sweet Ean.

- When I take Ean for his bath at night, he loves to run to his room and pull out a pacifier that I have put away from his time in NICU. He sucks it and says "Baby sister." I told him once we'd let her use it when she comes home to us from Africa.

We really do have so many things to be thankful for in our family. So, next time I have doubts about God's plan or what makes today special from the next, I will remember all these great moments on my list.

"This is for MY Glory". . .

We had a rough evening last night. Ean has been showing agression toward Carlos and I - hitting and kicking. We've tried talking, time-outs, and grabbing his hands - but nothing has worked to stop the hitting. So, we finally reached out to the specialist that monitored him the last two years due to his premature birth. She gave us a few pointers and recommended that we see a behaviorial specialist. Ah - just what I wanted - to be seeing a therapist when my son is only 2 years old! I mean, how much damage could I have caused in 2 years!

I've really struggled with this the last week. I question what I've done to cause him to be so angry and so unwilling to work with us, especially when I see how he responds so positively to others intervention. Does he dislike me that much?

I imagine every working mom goes through times of guilt and regret for the time the miss with their kids. For me, it's been especially hard since I always wanted to be home with Ean. It's only the last few months that it became very clear to our family that we needed to make changes to allow me to at least be home part time in the near future. Lord willing - it will happen someday.

For now, my heart breaks when Ean says "mommy work" when I leave in the mornings. And, when he expects the same thing on Saturday. I reassure him that mommy would be there every day if I could. So, I guess at times like this, I blame myself for his behavior.

Which leads us to last night - the specialist came to our house to observe. Naturally, Ean was in rare form. After 5 ineffective timeouts in the pack-n-play, she asked if she could try an alternative - the dreaded corner! Naturally, we said yes. We want things to change. I, however, had no idea how emotionally draining the process would be. Ean had to stand quietly in the corner with his face toward the wall and hands to his side. He cried, he looked for mommy and daddy, he asked mommy and daddy to come back, he cried "ok" to her commands to obey but nothing stopped the tears. It hurt me so deeply to feel his fear and need of me. But, in the end, after 15 minutes he made it and was allowed to leave the corner.

The goal was accomplished. He accepted his punishment - but it was so painful for all of us!

Which leads me to today, emotionally drained and feeling helpless to help my son accept his punishment. I am led to the cross. As I ran this morning, I praised our Lord for his amazing grace. He already took the punishment for me, and as much as I want to take it for Ean, I know that he has to do this one on his own.

The Lord reminded me today that ALL of this is for His glory. I pray every day with Ean that he will know our Lord as his savior and that those little hands will be gentle and abounding in love for others as he becomes a man.

We will all learn and grow through this, and we will celebrate Him for his Amazing Grace! May this all be for Your Glory, Lord.

Climbing the Roller Coaster

Today started out like the wait in line for a roller coaster. You're optimistic that you won't get sick and that in the end you'll be glad you did it. Yet, as you're climbing on the coaster, you realize this was a grave mistake. The fear sets in and there's no convincing yourself that this was a good idea.

I have a hard time overcoming fear some days, even though I know Christ has overcome it for me. My day didn't start off well. I had a bad attitude with the receptionist at the doctor office when she said they couldn't process insurance without my card. Since I just started with a new company, I didn't have my card! It continued down hill from there until we finally left the office without the immunizations we needed to complete for our upcoming adoption travel. Needless to say, I was not happy. I also discovered that the gas tank was near empty - it appears the gas fairy didn't refill it when he drove yesterday. Ugh!

So, I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today. I think in part due to the fears I was feeling before bedtime last night. I didn't have time to adequately process them with the Lord. But, thankfully He has time for me! Oh, how often I fail in this journey and yet He is there with open arms to accept me just as I am and to love me in spite of it.

I realized that as I read a note from our adoption agency this morning. We've been concerned with recent news that we might be delayed many months traveling to pick up our daughter. It deeply saddens me to think of her sitting any longer than necessary in an orphanage because of bureaucracies in the U.S. Embassy. Now, it sounds like that may not be the case. And, to top it off - we're #3! One step closer to seeing her face. Oh, how much I long to see her.

Thank you for your faithfulness Lord....great are your mercies every day!

#4

I realized this morning that I neglected to post since we found out we're now #4 on the wait list! I must say the reality that any day we will receive a call about our daughter is thrilling. I'm in awe of God's plan.

Over the last few weeks He's been bringing us new community, specifically Africans from the university. Imagine that:) This past weekend we had a student from Ghana and a couple from Ethiopia over for dinner. It was so neat to hear about the different cultures and to discover that all will be here for at least 3 more years - what an amazing blessing for our daughter to have community from her country! To top if off, the Ethipian couple are expecting their first child so we should have a lot of new experiences together.

Just a few years ago, we went through a similar season where the Lord brought us several Europeans (through Carlos' work). We shared a lot of time together learning about culturally differences and just becomming friends. We were very sad when they returned back home.

Now, not only has God given us new international community but from the very country He's put on our hearts. I'm so excited to see what He does next. For now, I continue to pray for our daughter, for her family, and for a speedy process so she is not left in the orphanage for long. I know that our Lord loves her and wants the best for her so he will unite us in His perfect timing.

#6

Every time our number on the wait list moves closer I get excited. I'm not sure what it will feel like when we get the call matching us to our daughter. I can only imagine it will be a rush of emotions. As we get closer, I can start to imagine her face, and what it will be like to see her in person for the first time. For now, I start to imagine a chain of events that will eventually lead her to our family. I pray daily for her and for her family. I pray for the pain her mother must be going through as she ultimately puts her baby in the hands of a stranger. I cannot imagine the desperation of giving my child away yet I know in my heart that God has chosen us for this purpose.

I read recently on another adoptive mom's blog about her response when people ask her why she's adopting. In her case, she already has 3 biological children and from what most would think a happy full family. She was diagnosed with breast cancer and although in remission still faces the daily reality that she may not be around to see her soon to be adoptive daughter grow up. Yet, in her words, she knows that she completes the missing puzzle piece in her Ethiopian daughter's life and she too in theirs.

What a beautiful picture. Our Lord is not wasteful. Our Lord is not late. So, when I think about our "number" I know that while I wait He is preparing our daughter to complete both of our puzzles.

On Christ, the Solid Rock I stand

When I heard this song last week, it occurred to me how much has changed in our family's "foundation" these last few months. I don't think you ever know how strong your foundation is until its tested - and we've had our fair share of testing. We certainly haven't "passed" but rather survived and ultimately grown through these experiences. His word is clear about building our lives on a solid foundation and not on the shifting sands of the world. Although we certainly haven't conquered all of our fears, we have grown as a family and are putting much more effort in building our foundation in Him. I know that with His strength and grace that we are going to experience amazing things in the future. We already have...from His provision for us during job loss to provision for us to adopt to emotional stability in our family. I'm so excited for what He has in store for us, and I know that if we stand on His word that we will withstand the storms of life.

Waiting

Waiting seems to be the headline of my life. Waiting to have a baby. Waiting for a promotion. Waiting to hear a test result. Waiting on adoption. Waiting for the right job. I KNOW there is a lesson in this season of waiting. I just wish I could hold firmly to God's promises and not be anxious. He has been so faithful in EVERY area of our lives and provided abundantly more than we needed - so - why can't I remember that as I wait?

“But these things I plan won’t happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, do not despair, for these things will surely come to pass. Just be patient! They will not be overdue a single day!” Habakkuk 2:3

Our Big Boy

I still can't believe that almost 2 years ago our little Ean was born. Although he was early and gave us quite a scare, we are so blessed that he is healthy and all caught up! We celebrated his 2nd birthday early this year and here are a few photos from the big day. We are so grateful for our wonderful friends and family who celebrated this day with us. Happy Birthday Baby Bear!

#14 on the waiting list

Yeah, we're #14 on the waiting list and our dossier is now in Ethiopia:) We're finally moving again.

#22

We're official! We're #22 on the waiting list for our sweet little girl from Ethiopia. Part of me is anxious about the wait, but I know that God has perfect timing for us to be united with the child He has for our family so that gives me comfort. Wow, so the journey has really begun!

These are a few of my favorite things....

1. Long walks with Ean as he talks about the birds and the dogs on the street
2. Watching Ean laugh as he slides at the park
3. Thoroughly enjoying sliding and racing Ean through the obstacle course at the infatable bounce house!
4. Going shopping with Ean at Target where he loves to see the popcorn as well as a trip to the mall to share an ice cream (shh, don't tell daddy)
5. Reading Ean's favorite book about "Big Brother, Little Brother"
6. Watching Ean race on his bike around the kitchen on the side of the wheel before he crashes into the couch
7. Visiting the zoo on a cool early morning

I miss my little Ean - but I'm so glad to have had these months to be with him. He truly is my sunshine!

More Changes

Wow, so it's been a while since I've had time to write. A lot has changed in a few short weeks. I started a new job which has been interesting and hard. I miss Ean so much and long for when I can be home with him again. Carlos' job ended so he is now home with Ean part-time - and he's loving it. I'm really glad that God provided my new job for many reasons but mostly because it gives Carlos a unique time to spend with his son. After all, how many daddy's get to be home with their children? I think it's great for Ean as well as Carlos.

To say the least, I've been very sad. I struggle with why God has chosen this direction for me - that is being away from Ean. However, in the moments I've had to reflect on these last few months, I can see how amazing God has been in providing for our family and giving me remarkable peace in spite of such uncertainty.

We do have exciting news to share - we are officially in the adoption process for a sweet baby girl from Ethiopia! We hope to finalize our home study and dossier this week officially putting us on the waiting list - Yeah! It's not really hit me yet that we will have a new addition to our family, but I'm so excited to see how all of this will unfold. I really believe in my heart that God has a plan for our family which includes in some fashion our involvement in Africa. And, deep in my heart, I know that He knows my desire to be a full-time mommy. I know that in the right time -He will make the path straight.

So, for now, I enjoy walking on the dock and looking at the lake during my lunches on Sea Ray island. And, I get to meet a new group of people. Today as I read my devotion, I was reminded that one of my biggest purposes on this earth is to worship our Lord Jesus Christ which includes honoring the path He's chosen for me. So...once again, we wait.

This week I also celebrated my 36th birthday. Wow, where has the time gone? My wonderful husband surprised me with flowers at my new office, and when I arrived home my mom had sent gorgeous flowers to my house as well! What a blessing. To top it off, I had two sweet cards from my little Ean and a ton of well wishes from my Facebook friends. It truly was one of my best birthdays ever knowing how much I am loved.

So, thank you Lord for loving me so well through those you've put in my life!

The God of 5 Loaves and 2 Fish

It's been a transforming few weeks - challenging - but overall a great blessing for our family. First, I was offered a new position which sounds like a great fit for me and giving us the provision we've been praying for our family. You'd think I'm thrilled. Not really. I've struggled about this because I have grown to love so much being with my little Ean. I love seeing firsthand the changes in him...the new words he learns each day....his personality developing...and most of all just letting him know how much I love him by being with him. To be honest, I've been upset with God. I don't understand why He's calling me back to work.

Thankfully, He has done such amazing things in our family and especially in our marriage that Carlos and I really support each other now. And, the other night when I was sharing with Carlos my heart about how much it pains me to leave Ean again, he reminded me that this life is not just about us. God has been casting a vision in me for orphans. He has now provided the job for us to proceed with adoption (what we believe to be the first step in this journey). So, how can I see what's ahead? What is coming in the future? All I can hold on to is Christ and His provision for us....and who can doubt how big He is if you've seen all He's provided for us during this season.

You see, just as we found out that I was offered the new position, Carlos' found out that his was ending. In God's perfect timing, He provided what our family needed. At times I think that what I pray is too big for God and other times I don't bother asking because it seems too small. I read in my devotion this past week something that really struck me. It said:

"What is your need? Whatever it is, it is entirely God's concern. He may instruct you in it, and the obedience is yours to carry out; but the provision is His."

So, I'm starting this new season seeking to depend consistently on the Lord who fed thousands with a mere 5 Loaves and 2 Fish.

Making All Things New

I've been writing about the vision that God is building in our hearts, and I wanted to share more about what He's been doing in our lives. To start, He has been building a foundation in our marriage - that is - "rebuilding." It's been a tough few years for Carlos and I through Ean's premature birth and the long search for the right person to care for Ean while I work. Needless, to say, the time revealed many weaknesses in our marriage and frankly the lack of unity and purpose.

One of the biggest blessings of this season has been the God's laying of a new foundation in our marriage. God has used this time to tear down walls and unify our hearts. I am so thankful not only for the peace and strength that it gives our family but for the model that we're now setting for our son. We hope that he sees the love and support we now share for one another.

Along the way as I was processing my desire for adoption, I shared with Carlos that I felt God was giving me a heart for orphans. He really moved me by stories of those that have adopted from Africa ultimately bringing Carlos and I to a crossroads. One night as I shared my heart with Carlos, he too shared with me that he had always wanted to work with orphans. Instantly, God unified us with the vision - a deep love and desire to help orphans. But how?

We continue to pray about how it will all unfold since we can't see even one day ahead of us right now:) We do feel that He has put Africa on our family's heart, and our desire to adopt is firmly planted in our hearts. So, we wait....to see what He will do. I have a sense that something amazing is going to happen especially when we go to pick up our new baby in Africa. I believe that part of the journey is picking up a new child to join our family, but God has something special planned for Carlos and I as we set foot on African soil. I suppose time will tell....

"Mailmo" Sighting!

Ah, "mailmo" what would we do without mailmo. There would be no one to wait for with anticipation. There would be no one to wave at on the road. There would be no one to ask for 100 times a day! There would be no mail. Ha. Ean's fascination with the mailman is full of such excitement, hopefulness, and joy. When we saw mailmo on our way home this past week, it really struck me when I looked at Ean's face in the rearview mirror. He was so happy. It was as if it was a homecoming for him and his best friend was finally there. And, afterwards, he had complete contentment. He was fulfilled.

What really struck me from our "mailmo sighting" was the comparison of Ean's desire to see mailmo with my own desire to be close to the Father. I have those days where I feel so close to God - fearless and confident. While other days, I can't see Him, and I just stare out the window wondering if he's still there - much like Ean for the mailman. The great thing about God is that He doesn't leave to go home to sleep or take a day off. He's with me even when I don't feel it. Carlos reminded me this morning that faith is not based on feelings which is so true. I guess I just don't want to loose the close friendship God and I have developed in this season when the mountain returns. For some reason, it's easier to find him in the valley. So, my prayer for this upcoming week is to enjoy that He is with me.

Right Side Up

Here we are in "Week 6," with a front row seat in God's work. Pretty neat. He's been doing so much in our family through this season. What really struck me this week is how much I've been living "upside down" that is trying to do things on my own. I've had many moments of completely letting go (which I never thought was possible) these last few weeks and they've been the most peaceful times of my life.

I had a great picture this week of being in the boat with Jesus. I can see the shore, and now the seas are calmer so I take hold of the rudder to steer us to land. Ah, imagine me taking control! But, as I grabbed the rudder, the peace left me and all of sudden the storm reappeared. What a good lesson - that no matter what I think I see in front of me and how it might be the "right" thing, why would I take control away from the one person who knows the plan! I want to live in peace and confidence that God will lead me. It's not to say that life is complacent or I just sit and and wait - I just need to KEEP THE FOCUS ON HIM!

We are also very excited about how much He has been doing through my time at home with other people in my life. I've seen so much fruit from relationships that intersect with our family which is yet another testimony that I'm exactly where I need to be. So, alas, it's not been about the job (imagine that!) but about establishing a foundation and casting a vision in our family. I'll post next time on the vision He's been sharing with us. It's amazing!

Standing Firm

It's been an interesting week, that is "Week 5." I've been sick most of the week in what I'd consider a "fog" which has been very challenging. In spite of that, God continues to work in us. He has been leading us as a family through 2 Chronicles 20...and this week we're "standing firm."

It really hit me last night how hard it will be for me to be away from Ean again. I only pray that God will provide me strength for the transitions ahead. I trust Him with our future, and what He considers the best thing for me to do right now because I know He is preparing us for more than what we can see. So, interestingly, the "planner" in me (the one that always has to know what's coming next) is letting go. Ironically, it's more fun! I don't have to be stressed about what's ahead, but I can trust that He has a plan and knows what is best for us. Another amazing praise from this journey!

Oh, and we feel we have the right adoption agency now after much prayer and searching (which is very exciting). So, we wait...

The Moments to Remember

There are so many great moments being a mom. My own mother used to tell me how fast time goes once you get "older," and I suppose I'm officially there now that I see my little Ean growing so quickly before my eyes. When he awoke early yesterday morning and joined me in our bed, I lay there thinking about all the wonderful memories these last 20 months. I could see the frame of his body against the glow of the rising sun through our window, and it prompted me to start this list of things I hope to always remember:

1) The first time I saw Ean on the ultrasound and could make out the shape of his eyes and nose. I can still see it in my mind when I look at him asleep.

2) The glow in his eyes and his big smile

3) His first words, Momma, lights, Dadda, agua....and now we're on to ninos, bear, cat, car, keys, gracias, thank you, please, bird, choo-choo, shower, stairs, leche....it's amazing how quickly children learn!

4) He loves to read books and now proudly sits on the couch with a stack to read by himself.

5) The awe of his stare out the window watching every move of the birds, the squirrels, sky, and cars driving by.

6) The laughter in our car every time he sees the "mailmo" or otherwise known as mailman. He yells for him. Ha!

7) The sound of pitter-patter on our hardwood floors as he runs from spot to spot exploring, being chased, or just making himself laugh.

8) His love for bano or bathtime!

9) The excitement on his face when he sees the garage door open and knows that Daddy is home.

10) When he yells "yes" on Bluetooth when we're calling Daddy in the car. He could probably make a call on his own now. Ha!

11) His proud announcement of "poo-poo" as we try to teach him to use the potty. He tells me 10 times a day!

12) The love and fascination he has for being outside.

13) His love for "order" - ha, guess he got something from his Momma.

14) He can now feed himself with a spoon and is fiercely independent, so no touching his bowl!

15) He knows how to work his Mommy and Daddy - watch out teenage years.

16) The sweet sound of his voice when he says "Amen" after we say a prayer.

17) His innocence as he gets close to the fence to explore the doggy next door to only be frightened by the loud bark. He cries and says "Woo -woof".

18) The big smile and "Momma" I hear when I pick him up from his bed.

19) The memories of the hard journey we had when he was first born as he lay there with tubes, monitors, etc....compared to where he is today.

20) And my most favorite moment when we make "pop-porn" that is popcorn! He gets his own bowl from the cabinet and the two of us sit on our couch to eat. We toss in several pieces shrug our nose and give eachother big smiles after every single bite!

I am so thankful for our little Ean - the person he is becoming and the best job I have ever had - being his mommy!

Where is your security?

When Carlos asked me last night if I missed work, I realized that I haven't one bit. What I have missed is the security it gave me and our family. Now, in Week 4:), I can see how I had given so much power to my career. I am thankful, that as things have been aligning internally, that my security now rests in Christ. Granted, there is a place for work, but it should not be the center of life. This season of change for our family has been immensly transforming.

For now, we continue to ask with expectancy for provision and clarity for our future. I LOVE being a mom, and I can't wait to bring home a new addition to our family from Ethiopia. I feel confirmed that God has put Africa on our family's heart. As we continue to pray about where all this will lead, God's vision for orphans is deepened in us. Will we move overseas? How will our family be involved with orphans? Why is it that we dream about it and get confirmation all around us? What's next?

Never the Same

Have you ever had a sense that things would simply never be the same? That's how I feel this week, that is "Week 3" (after leaving my job). The best way to describe this season is "re-entry." God has given me so much through this time. He's blessed me with space to really feel and allow His work in me. That is, for me to embrace the person He's created....a love for people, and deep empathy for orphans, and a heart of intercession. It's as if I've been on the mission field without ever leaving my house. So, how do you "re-enter" your life and those that have known you "prior?" That's where my heart sits today.

Couldn't resist

The Borja's Christmas 2009

Finally - Under the Wing!

"I will not leave you orphans, I will come to you." John 14:18

Week 2 - So, what is God up to? I am increasingly excited about getting the details moving with adoption. I reached out to friends that used to go to our church to learn about their adoptive daughter from China. She has special needs which is really encouraging us to pray through the exact child that God has for us. I am truly amazed at how I've longed for community these last few years, and now God is bringing it through adoptive families. What a blessing.

I was showing Ean yesterday where Ethiopia is on our world map so he can understand how far away it is and just how miraculous God is to potentially unite us with a little one so many miles away. We pray daily for this child and to prepare Ean for being a big brother:)

Yet, this afternoon, I'm sad. I met with my sister today to help map out plans for my dad's care. Unfortunately, his Alzheimer's is getting worse, and we have to consider every option for his care. Very hard. I think more than anything our conversation hit a chord in me about my dad. We both share in our "distant" almost non-existent relationships growing up with our Father. In fact, I think it likely pushed us both in directions we might not otherwise have been - that is pursuing fulfillment in our soul for what a Father should meet. In a way, this scripture spoke to me not only on the level of adoption but also with regards to feeling "Fatherless" at times in my childhood and especially now as my dad's memory is deteriorating. How much I long to be "adopted" myself...

Is anything to hard for the LORD? No! Genesis 18:14

Can you imagine how Sarai felt when she found out she was pregnant? I can't. I can't even imagine how foolish she would have felt telling her friends and family. Would they think she's lost it?! I think I would. So, today, I wrestle with God on how foolish I may look to some in my life. I'm hopeful. I'm at peace (more than I've ever been in my life) and there is no other explanation other than Christ. I couldn't make myself feel it or even try to fake it for my loved ones. So, I am excited. I can't imagine what's next for us if He's already done so many amazing things these last few months and especially when I think how far we've come with Ean. I am so thankful for this time with him. He's growing so fast. We went today to visit Mother's Day Out programs and I couldn't help but cry. I'm am so excited for the person he's becomming. Funny, I cried when I saw the little backpacks on the wall and their sleep mats. Man, I'm a mess:) But, a happy one! So, I'm posting this pic of "BE" baby Ean shortly after he came home with his friend Bear who faithfully stayed with him while he was in ICU.

The First Week

So, I've been asked this week how I feel now that I'm not working. In part, I'm sad to leave the friendships. I think that it took going through this to realize how much the personal aspect of my job means to me. I often overlooked people to "get the project done," and I'm thankful that God has been gracious to reveal it to me. So, that in whatever I do next, I will really treasure those relationships. In the meantime, I will savour all the conversations, lunches, etc. with those that I used to work with.

It's been a little weird this week. Part of me really enjoys being mommy. That is, afterall, what I am first! I am relishing the small things with Ean - shopping for dinner, laughing at the park, seeing him grow in his classes first hand, and celebrating every new word he learns. In a way, I believe this is God's way of giving back what I lost in the first few critical weeks when we were in ICU.

So, we wait to see what comes next for us.