Feeling Empty

It's been a weird few weeks. I went from the HIGH of finally seeing our little girl to the LOW of our reality that it will be 5+ months before we get to bring her home. What a rollercoaster.

We're also in a very trying time trying to get Ean transitioned to a big bed. We've gone back and forth from big to crib and now that he can jump out - there's no turning back. I just can't let him get hurt jumping out! It's exhausting. It's discouraging. It feels hopeless somedays.

When I add on top of this the uncertainty in our lives, I realize just how stressed I've been. Well, I can't say that I saw it for myself - my body started telling me yesterday. Whenever I get REALLY stressed I have severe stomach pains (like an ulcer), and that started again yesterday. The last time I had it was about a year ago when I found out my job was ending. Wow, so I find myself back in a season of complete loss of control of my life (or so it feels). I guess that's a key word - FEEL.

I KNOW that God has not left me, even though I can't see Him or His voice is in the distance. I KNOW that He protects me from the cliffs of life. I just don't FEEL it. I guess that's the essence of faith - believing in what I cannot see or do not feel.

Afterall, I am very blessed. Our family is healthy, and we're together. And, we will soon be united to our sweet baby girl. I guess the lesson today is that feelings ARE NOT my reality.