Making All Things New

I've been writing about the vision that God is building in our hearts, and I wanted to share more about what He's been doing in our lives. To start, He has been building a foundation in our marriage - that is - "rebuilding." It's been a tough few years for Carlos and I through Ean's premature birth and the long search for the right person to care for Ean while I work. Needless, to say, the time revealed many weaknesses in our marriage and frankly the lack of unity and purpose.

One of the biggest blessings of this season has been the God's laying of a new foundation in our marriage. God has used this time to tear down walls and unify our hearts. I am so thankful not only for the peace and strength that it gives our family but for the model that we're now setting for our son. We hope that he sees the love and support we now share for one another.

Along the way as I was processing my desire for adoption, I shared with Carlos that I felt God was giving me a heart for orphans. He really moved me by stories of those that have adopted from Africa ultimately bringing Carlos and I to a crossroads. One night as I shared my heart with Carlos, he too shared with me that he had always wanted to work with orphans. Instantly, God unified us with the vision - a deep love and desire to help orphans. But how?

We continue to pray about how it will all unfold since we can't see even one day ahead of us right now:) We do feel that He has put Africa on our family's heart, and our desire to adopt is firmly planted in our hearts. So, we wait....to see what He will do. I have a sense that something amazing is going to happen especially when we go to pick up our new baby in Africa. I believe that part of the journey is picking up a new child to join our family, but God has something special planned for Carlos and I as we set foot on African soil. I suppose time will tell....

"Mailmo" Sighting!

Ah, "mailmo" what would we do without mailmo. There would be no one to wait for with anticipation. There would be no one to wave at on the road. There would be no one to ask for 100 times a day! There would be no mail. Ha. Ean's fascination with the mailman is full of such excitement, hopefulness, and joy. When we saw mailmo on our way home this past week, it really struck me when I looked at Ean's face in the rearview mirror. He was so happy. It was as if it was a homecoming for him and his best friend was finally there. And, afterwards, he had complete contentment. He was fulfilled.

What really struck me from our "mailmo sighting" was the comparison of Ean's desire to see mailmo with my own desire to be close to the Father. I have those days where I feel so close to God - fearless and confident. While other days, I can't see Him, and I just stare out the window wondering if he's still there - much like Ean for the mailman. The great thing about God is that He doesn't leave to go home to sleep or take a day off. He's with me even when I don't feel it. Carlos reminded me this morning that faith is not based on feelings which is so true. I guess I just don't want to loose the close friendship God and I have developed in this season when the mountain returns. For some reason, it's easier to find him in the valley. So, my prayer for this upcoming week is to enjoy that He is with me.

Right Side Up

Here we are in "Week 6," with a front row seat in God's work. Pretty neat. He's been doing so much in our family through this season. What really struck me this week is how much I've been living "upside down" that is trying to do things on my own. I've had many moments of completely letting go (which I never thought was possible) these last few weeks and they've been the most peaceful times of my life.

I had a great picture this week of being in the boat with Jesus. I can see the shore, and now the seas are calmer so I take hold of the rudder to steer us to land. Ah, imagine me taking control! But, as I grabbed the rudder, the peace left me and all of sudden the storm reappeared. What a good lesson - that no matter what I think I see in front of me and how it might be the "right" thing, why would I take control away from the one person who knows the plan! I want to live in peace and confidence that God will lead me. It's not to say that life is complacent or I just sit and and wait - I just need to KEEP THE FOCUS ON HIM!

We are also very excited about how much He has been doing through my time at home with other people in my life. I've seen so much fruit from relationships that intersect with our family which is yet another testimony that I'm exactly where I need to be. So, alas, it's not been about the job (imagine that!) but about establishing a foundation and casting a vision in our family. I'll post next time on the vision He's been sharing with us. It's amazing!

Standing Firm

It's been an interesting week, that is "Week 5." I've been sick most of the week in what I'd consider a "fog" which has been very challenging. In spite of that, God continues to work in us. He has been leading us as a family through 2 Chronicles 20...and this week we're "standing firm."

It really hit me last night how hard it will be for me to be away from Ean again. I only pray that God will provide me strength for the transitions ahead. I trust Him with our future, and what He considers the best thing for me to do right now because I know He is preparing us for more than what we can see. So, interestingly, the "planner" in me (the one that always has to know what's coming next) is letting go. Ironically, it's more fun! I don't have to be stressed about what's ahead, but I can trust that He has a plan and knows what is best for us. Another amazing praise from this journey!

Oh, and we feel we have the right adoption agency now after much prayer and searching (which is very exciting). So, we wait...