Remembering

I've spent a lot of time the last few years in light of our financial uncertainty feeling anxious and afraid of what is around the corner. If I only had back every moment that I spent worrying, I would be rich in life experiences. As always, I learn through my kids...

I have noticed so many changes in my kids lately...new words...new letters written...new skills...the list goes on.

There have been many occasions since my son was born that I've had the desire to pause life. His first smile, his first laugh, his first steps, his first haircut... At each milestone, I would feel myself clinging to the moment and wanting it to last forever. I'd quickly grab a camera to capture the memory.

I am gaining a new perspective. For one, I don't want to miss ANY experiences that God grants me in my life. That means focusing less on how I feel and more on the blessings God has given me.

The fact remains that no camera can fully capture all of the little steps of change in my kids, and to be honest that scares me. I want to remember it ALL! I want to hear their voices at each age and stage in my mind forever. I wonder if we'll have a video highlight reel of our favorite memories in heaven? Hmm, maybe that should go in God's suggestion box.

Those that know my family - know about my dad. He has been suffering from Alzheimer's for many years now. He always greets me with a smile and a slightly blank stare. I realize now that he doesn't know who I am anymore. It saddens me more than I've been able to fully process.

What's struck me this past week has been the conflict in my heart between wanting to save every memory about my kids and the reality that I may too find myself lost in a world on this earth where I won't remember.

God has been gracious and loving to reveal to me that regardless of what this life brings, that I will always have my kids' milestones in my heart. For now, I will take advice from a good friend who told me not to blink! And, I will write and capture as many of these precious steps in their lives so even if I don't remember, I can read them:

- Evy's sweet voice and "f's" for "th's"
- Evy's gigantic hugs when she says "Oh, mommy I love you!"
- The love I see when my kids hug each other
- My sweet Ean beginning to really express his emotions. I love his heart!
- Ean's eyes of excitement during swim lessons when he knows he's accomplished something big
- Evy's excitement when she goes potty
- Ean and Evy singing their blessing each night at dinner
- Praying with my kids each time we get in the car
- Ice cream treats at Brewsters!
- Ean and Evy waving at the door when I get home each day
- Ean playing drum on EVERYTHING and telling me he can't wait to play drums and bells in the band at church
- Salsarita lunch days!
- The first time I held my son and daughter:)

I love you Bug and Chickadee!

The Magic of Disney

I've thought a lot about Disney World lately. Our kids love the Big Mouse. Some of my most amazing memories as a kid involve going for vacation to Disney. Magic Mountain scared my paints off. No matter how many times my uncle told me that it wasn't scary, I was terrified of roller coasters. Still true today - I close my eyes tight and pray I don't get sick on the Veggie Tales roller coaster at Dollywood! Yes, people, the kiddie version.

I remember It's a Small World. The little people singing in all of the costumes. All of a sudden, I felt like I was a little Dutch girl with blonde ponytails. But, my favorite of all was Peter Pan. Come on, who doesn't want to fly through the air like Peter Pan and Tinkerbell?

Then, I went back as an adult. I was in shock. Peter Pan was far from a smooth ride of wonder. It seemed to have lost it's luster, and the little people singing around the world was a wee bit creepy. What happened to the mystery of Disney?

What is it about this place that makes it so magical? Characters mysteriously appear on the streets as if they dropped from a fairy's wand. Mickey and all of his friends are larger than life. Everything is clean, beautiful, and perfect. It's a fairy tell where everything is as it should be.

So, why is real life not a fairy tale? Because we've not finished the story, friends. We're not there yet. The reality is that heaven is the only place where everything will be perfect. In the meantime, we get to walk alongside a Father who loves us so much that He let's painful things happen so His glory will be seen in our response to the circumstances. I don't know about you, but that is pretty darn magical.

The reality is that Disney still holds a magical place in my heart. It sparks imagination. It opens a sense of mystery and wonder in hearts.

My deepest prayer is that as my kids experience life that they carry in their hearts the One that is bigger than the Big Mouse....along with some sweet childhood memories of their own.