Remembering

I've spent a lot of time the last few years in light of our financial uncertainty feeling anxious and afraid of what is around the corner. If I only had back every moment that I spent worrying, I would be rich in life experiences. As always, I learn through my kids...

I have noticed so many changes in my kids lately...new words...new letters written...new skills...the list goes on.

There have been many occasions since my son was born that I've had the desire to pause life. His first smile, his first laugh, his first steps, his first haircut... At each milestone, I would feel myself clinging to the moment and wanting it to last forever. I'd quickly grab a camera to capture the memory.

I am gaining a new perspective. For one, I don't want to miss ANY experiences that God grants me in my life. That means focusing less on how I feel and more on the blessings God has given me.

The fact remains that no camera can fully capture all of the little steps of change in my kids, and to be honest that scares me. I want to remember it ALL! I want to hear their voices at each age and stage in my mind forever. I wonder if we'll have a video highlight reel of our favorite memories in heaven? Hmm, maybe that should go in God's suggestion box.

Those that know my family - know about my dad. He has been suffering from Alzheimer's for many years now. He always greets me with a smile and a slightly blank stare. I realize now that he doesn't know who I am anymore. It saddens me more than I've been able to fully process.

What's struck me this past week has been the conflict in my heart between wanting to save every memory about my kids and the reality that I may too find myself lost in a world on this earth where I won't remember.

God has been gracious and loving to reveal to me that regardless of what this life brings, that I will always have my kids' milestones in my heart. For now, I will take advice from a good friend who told me not to blink! And, I will write and capture as many of these precious steps in their lives so even if I don't remember, I can read them:

- Evy's sweet voice and "f's" for "th's"
- Evy's gigantic hugs when she says "Oh, mommy I love you!"
- The love I see when my kids hug each other
- My sweet Ean beginning to really express his emotions. I love his heart!
- Ean's eyes of excitement during swim lessons when he knows he's accomplished something big
- Evy's excitement when she goes potty
- Ean and Evy singing their blessing each night at dinner
- Praying with my kids each time we get in the car
- Ice cream treats at Brewsters!
- Ean and Evy waving at the door when I get home each day
- Ean playing drum on EVERYTHING and telling me he can't wait to play drums and bells in the band at church
- Salsarita lunch days!
- The first time I held my son and daughter:)

I love you Bug and Chickadee!